The never ending battle

The never ending battle of the scale I am right at this moment eating a granny smith apple it is so sour it hurts but I am trying to eat more fruit and trying to be super good with my eating I have been a little off track lately. I have been waging this battle since right after Eric was born and it has gone very well I have lost about 90 to 100 lbs wow I just wrote that down and I know it really is 100 but I have a hard admitting that I mean that is a whole person okay a really skin person but still a person. So during this times I try to stay focused on the big picture (no pun indented) and see how far I have came and that sometimes the obsession over losing more or even just maintaining is very time consuming and takes my focus off of everything. That is selfish right like I am the only thing that matters at all, but what if I lose a little of the focus and I feel so out of control with that if I am not in control I will panic. When I was heavier I was just as consumed with eating with getting my next "fix" and that was all that mattered to me. So like an addict I have now transferred my obsession to the other extreme that it interferes with my life as well. I wish I could just say I am never gone to eat again that would be easier like never drinking again but we have to eat. So I think okay God this is my challenge and he did give us taste buds so maybe we are supposed to enjoy food but not let it control us or control it. Like an addict the temptation is always there every get together, every birthday party, everyday so hopefully I can care enough to not care to much. So that I can focus on other things like family and church and reading my bible more because I know God loves me anyway but I know He wants me to focus on Him more than anything and if I am focused on food and not Him then that is sin. I hope I can improve that. I think that it is a sin like an other sin and I should look at it like any other sin. It's not special sin just plan old ugly sin.