Sacrifice.

Sacrifice. I have pondered that word lately. I think that I am or I guess really I feel guilty for asking my family to. I think that we should be traveling and doing things and right now we can't. So is that really a sacrifice? No it is not. But in my tiny little mind it is. Why is seeing the big picture so hard? Why can't I not focus on the big picture and just enjoy the moment. Thinking that I am giving up this or that. Really? I live in a beautiful house. I have a car which means I don't have to walk. I have running water and and washing machine and a dishwasher. Man I really have it rough. I truly want to not be so selfish. Put thinking about my self is selfish. Wow. Last night we visited the Springville church and Burt shared about how to reach the community there. And it was so good to hear because I really just want to feed the "poor" at Christmas and Thanksgiving but I sure don't want to sacrifice my time and be their friend. That would reflect way to much on my own selfishness. And yet I think that is what I really need. I don't want to walk into ever situation and wonder what can I get out of and how does it make me look to others. I want to just be there for someone. I have seen it at CPC and it is so the way it is supposed to be. And it is what people need. They need that relationship with someone and ultimately with Christ. So I may not get to do all that the world says is important and I want my life to be what Christ wants it to be not what I think He wants it to be.

Change.

It is raining. Love it. The kids are doing some math. Why is it so hard to keep them focused. I have been doing pretty good this summer making them practice. Not everyday but at least a couple times a week. Otherwise we have been having a really great summer. And they for the most part don't mind doing the little bit of work I have asked them to do.

Changing. Do you ever feel a change in yourself. Most of the time we don't notice but lately I have noticed. A good change I think. I see my sin more and others less. I think the love of Christ gives you tolerance that me as Heather does not have at all. I am so grateful for Christ and never understood as much as I do lately. And that is what makes you want to share it with others not for the you are a member of a church part but to know that love and know that He loves you endlessly.

Chang.I am very excited about working at the MDO starting in August. Fun times and I love the little guys they are so fun.

Change. I am not a mother of a baby anymore. My little guy turns 7 next month. I am somewhat middle aged. Yikes. But knowing that chapter of my life is over makes me more happy then sad. I mean I am still a mother I just don't have to change diapers. Except at work now so it all evens out.

Changing, when I will apply and start nursing school it will be fall 2010. It will help to get the other classes out of the way because the nursing classes are 8, 5, and 6 credit hours. Time and money.

I used to always fear change now I don't change is growth. And growth is good.

Fast

How does a week go so fast? How does time just whiz by. My baby will be 7 in August. Wowness time is so amazing. And sometimes I want it to speed up but most of the time I want it to slow and let me catch my breath. Like with my school, I have been plugging away for almost 2 years now. It feels like forever and the it feels like I just started. I am so lucky to get to pursue this dream that I have had since I has 18. Now I am ever closer to achieving it. We have been in Moodyville almost 2 and 1/2 years and it seems like we have been here forever. I miss Wednesday nights at church. Time can speed up now I am ready for them to start back up again. But I am always glad for the break when they end for a while. So it is good to get to miss them. I pray for Ginger that time will fly and support raising will be over. I pray for time to stop so my friend will not leave me. I pray that I can remember to be thankful for the time that God gives us here on this earth so that we can be overjoyed when we get eternal time in heaven.

Humbledr

So I like to think that I look and act my age. My mom would say they I have "acted" 40 since I was 10. Not in a arrogant way but she has an old soul way. So now that I am every closer to the actual 40 I am okay with it. All that to say that in my lab class the other night one of the other students wanted to ask me a question, and brace yourself, she called me mam. Really I clutched my heart and said "oh that hurt" and she said "sorry mam" wow humbled just a little. So I guess what my Paw Paw said was true you look in the mirror and wonder who that old person looking at you is. I am really okay with it, a wise woman (Kim Hill) once said the only other alternative to growing old is being dead. I like alive better.

Not since April?

Wow, I haven't blogged since April. Facebook is just so much quicker. But I felt like blogging so here goes.

My oldest baby, Zachary, got baptized Sunday, joined the church and had his first communion. Awesomeness. So what goes through your mind when your precious baby gives his heart to Jesus. For me I was humbled, really and truly more than I can ever remember being humbled. God the creator of the universe choose me and then choose my son. Then the next thought was that He sent His Son to die so that my son could have eternal life. It brings tears to my eyes every time I think about it. It makes me feel joy that other than at Zach's birth I haven't felt. Because now I know that Zach has eternal life and that His savior choose him. There are really no words that can truly describe this wonderful moment. I am humbled by it.

So that was a bit heavy and rightly so. Now on to summer plans. School for me of course. Microbiology, which I love saying that to people. They groan when I say it like it is some form of torture. I really like the class, so far this teacher is the best right off the bat. She is nice and friendly helpful you know like a teacher. Crazy I know.

The kids are home and I think he have found our groove of being together all the time. It is fun not having to get up and get to school. But it really gets me going and I like that. I have been a little lazy but I know that summer will be over before I know it.

Talked to my bestest friend Angie today. I miss her but am so glad we make the effort to keep in touch. I love facebook for that reason. But a nice long girl chat is nice too. We may get to go down to the beach for a weekend and hang out. I am so excited. I hope we get to.

Well toddles for now, hopefully it want be this long in between blogs next time.

Should be doing other things.

I really should be doing other things. Like laundry I would be further along if I had realized the dry was empty and did not need to be fluffed 3 times. Anyway Eric woke up this morning throwing up on my bedroom floor. Nice. I then start screaming at him to run to the bathroom because he just stands there telling me he needs to throw up while throwing up. Lovely. Usually he is good about going to the bathroom but he later told me he thought he was dreaming and he was at the beach? Really. I guess he had to much "fun" at spring break with his phrat brothers.Crazy. So got all that cleaned up and tried to sleep a little more. Wonderful. I do love being a mom. Actually it is nice having him home today. He feels fine now and is watching tv.

Last week was my spring break. I had a long list of things I needed/wanted to do. I decide to relax instead. I am glad I did but I am now making a mental list of things I am going to do and the end of the quarter. I really want to paint my kitchen. The builders used flat and you can't wash it. Smart. So I am going to do that for sure. I also want to go to the beach sometime this summer I love the beach. The husband (he loves when I call him that) doesn't really like the beach. Sad. But he will go with me and the kids have not been in a really long time. I need a cheap but clean place to stay. Does anybody know of some place? Anyway maybe will go maybe not. Hoping.

So the dry just stopped and it had laundry in it this time. Going.

School and a girl trip.

I am wondering if anyone will read this but I guess I feel at little like blogging. School is good. It is a lot and I think I am way ready for Spring Break. And really ready for this quarter to be over. Which it will be soon enough and the one more class this summer and I will be ready to apply to start nursing school. And then who knows. Time is always moving forward and no matter what happens I have learned to be happy with were I am at instead of always think I will only be happy when I get there.

Girl trip this past weekend. To much fun. The movie was good and even if I had not been lured with time away and hangin with two of my bestest friends. I would have watched the whole movie. It was funny and sad and different. Rob can act and I enjoyed it. It was a little sad though. I hugged both my boys when I got home and let them know how much I loved them. The mom in the movie was very cold. I don't ever want to be like that. In fact I don't think that I could.

So off to study and try to figure out my math. It is so so so hard right now. I really don't care how much liquid will fit in a box. I just think things like, what kind of box is it? Is it a cardboard box because that would just make a mess. Is it a pretty box? Can I decorate it if it is not pretty. These thought do not help me to actually learn how to convert the numbers and greatly interferes with my ability to pass the test I have next week. Math is yucky.

Oscar night

Darrin does not like the Oscar's. He thinks it is just a lot of egomaniacs stroking their ego's. And he is basically right. But I really like the pretty dresses and the pretty people. But the last few years I have not seen any of the movies some I would want to some not so much. It is about having time to and I usually don't.

So let me say that watching it with a bunch of girlfriends was to much fun. We laughed we cried (Val Kilmer is real heavy and I did tear up a little at a picture of him) But mostly we laughed it was super fun. I ate way to much and found out that Ginger and Whitney are very prissy and don't think a girl should burp. Sorry ladies for offending you so greatly. But really it was just plain old fun. I am a little bit sleepy today since I didn't get home until 12 ish, but it was well worth it.

Other than that school is good a little harder this time having two classes and Quizzes in Bio every week. I have been challenged and I am having to learn to not be a perfectionist and do the best I can. The balance of life and school is getting easier and I hope preparing me for the day I actually work outside the home. Will see. So ta ta for now.

Progress

I have decided I am a big whiny baby sometimes, okay most of the time. I have decided that I am going to enjoy school and not freaky out about the whole need an A thing to get into nursing. I mean I have been losing sleep over it. It will be what it will be. And in doing so it freed me up to just enjoy the process a little more and stop trying to make it happen.

I miss hang out at the park with friends. Cold weather go away. Please. I need sunny and warmth. Need shorts, okay capris I am getting a little to old for shorts. Unless they are of course travel shorts. (thanks Kim Hill for that piece of fashion advice.)

Looking forward to the 25th b-day party. Yeah talent show. Last year was out first show and it was way fun.

Off to church. Yeah.

Later.

My Kingdom

Kingdom building was the topic of Wednesday night class. I really like building my own kingdom. But I am really not good at it. I mean I think I am for a little while then it all comes crashing down around my ears, and I realize I need Jesus so much. Then it all starts over again. The I realize that the crashing is okay because I need it to point me back to the cross. So that helps me not get as frustrated with myself. I am glad I find comfort in that and it makes me so grateful for grace.

School is a frustrating thing right now I love going and I am so grateful I am going, but it is a lot a effort and I am trying to not let it dictated my moods. Whether I am happy or sad and sometimes I am able to not let it sometimes it gets away from me. I really want to glorify God through it and learn so I am trying. Staying or quiting is a constant battle right now staying is wining but quiting is always there. Maybe by the time I apply to the nursing program and actually get in will help.

So we are going out of town this weekend so have a good weekend.

Life is good lately and busy of course. School is good and after my initial panic that I always get in the being that I can't do this it is just to hard, I am getting my groove and getting a feel for my teachers.

Went with Crissy today do a women's conference in Jasper. So I really went to hang out with Crissy but God had other plan's. I mean I did get to hang out but it was a really good seminar about mercy ministry's. I learned a lot and I am thinking over what I have learned. Good stuff.

So not much else going on just needed to say hey. Hey. Hollar. Later peeps.

Thoughts lately .....

Love is not easy. Being at a mission based church at first was hard. Knowing that you well love someone and then they well leave. I guess to love them enough to let them is the hard part. Still not my favorite. But I have come to realize that being part of the Kingdom does not mean my kingdom but God' s and that part is really wonderful. So the thought is to be encouraging and not to doubt God's plan.

School is fun. I think that I would have been horrible nerdy in school if I would have known how much fun it was. So I think I will just be a nerd now. Thank you Ginger for pointing my nerdiness out.

I think that I am glad I didn't make in concrete resolutions this year. I think they are like trying to keep the law you just can't. I like grace much more better.

Fear is something I never knew I struggled with until I learned to see my own sin more. Because fear is just unbelief. Not trusting God that He will take care of all things. My struggle with Zachary lately is really not him because he really is a great well rounded kid, it is my fear that I have messed up and that I have not prepared him enough to be independent of me. God will take care of him and I just need to pray and trust God. I will not be afraid. Okay I will try not to be afraid.

I think I would like 4 to 5 days on the beach this summer. That would be awesome. I love the beach it is my favorite. I know you envy my tan, don't hate. It is ironic that the palest person likes the beach so much but I do. I think it is because my Paw Paw took me ever year when I was young, good memories.

I think that 12 degrees is to cold and that I do not want to hear about global warming anymore. Have you noticed that they call it climate change now that it is not so warm. Media. Blah-blah-blah.

I think I will now go do laundry always need to do laundry.

Here we go.

Life goes so fast and I know when young people hear us old people say that they groan. But really life just flies by. Christmas has come and going again, and the New Year is upon us. I am trying to savor time a little more because I know it will be summer before long and another season will have past.

Time has been well spent this holiday break my honey has been off for two weeks and went back to work today. Other than a little traveling for the holidays we stayed home. It was really wonderful we got a lot of things done and we got a lot of lounging in too.

The kids go back to school tomorrow and they are vegging out today to make sure they are well rested. I think the other days of lounging just weren't enough. They have been pretending they were dogs this morning that are detectives. I know these funny times will not last forever but for now they are priceless.

So I hope we have a wonderful 2009.