It came last night!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tragedy, Grief and Sorrow have covered the Nold house as the unthinkable has happened. I have used my excellent hacking ability(along with the knowledge of my wife Heather's password) to post this sad story to all of her loyal readers.

As many of you may know from her recent blog posts. Zachary brought home a pet crab earlier this week and Heather is deathly afraid of it as well as birds and bugs and bats and rats and cats. OK, she is not afraid of cats but she is allergic to them. I had insisted it would be safe to stay at home despite Heather's constant well vocalized fear since Zachary had brought home his pet “Mr. Crab”.

I WAS IN ERROR!!! Last night was the longest and most horrific night of our lives. At approximately 2 AM the now GINORMOUS(her favorite word) fiddler crab broke through our locked bedroom door. I had neglected to purchase solid-core wood doors and deadbolts for the interior of our house, again my bad. Anyway as some of you know I am a runner. NOT a fast runner but I am much faster than Heather when attacked by a mutated fiddler crab. Once the onslaught began I dashed to the boy's rooms with Heather close behind me, I then scooped them up as if they were still infants and fled out of a rear window. It was only when I got outside that I realized that she was not behind us. Being prudent (and not wanting to orphan our children) I fled jumping into my jeep. I drove away as I called 911. They dispatched first responders to deal with the monster crab.

Once the crack (as in expert) St. Clair county SWAT team had subdued it with non life-threatening force, it is a living creature and my son’s pet after all. The Moody FD used the jaws of life to remove the humongous thing's oddly and still proportionately over-sized claw from Heather's neck. Nearly lifeless she was flown to UAB. A team of highly skilled local surgeons was prepared to do the life saving repairs of the wound s to her neck. They would be assisted by world class surgeons from the Mayo Clinic, Mercy General and Caesar’s Palace who had been flown in at the request of the Governor. We do know people who know people, but I digress. The surgery was touch and go until by surprise that dashing Dr. Patrick Dempsey from TV’s Grey’s Anatomy evidently in town for some barbeque stopped by and saved the day. I am sure she would have preferred George Clooney but beggars can’t be choosers.

I am sure you will be glad to know that Heather has recovered quite quickly and should be walking around a couple of minutes. The only thing that you may notice is she will be wearing a lot of turtle necks. But with this cooler weather she probably would have anyway.

One final note:

The CDC has ran a quick test and apparently fiddler crabs can mutate in to monsters when exposed to a single droplet of gross pig preserving formaldehyde accidentally flung onto dried plankton. I recall noticing last week that Heather’s laboratory safety glasses were right by Mr. Crab’s food supply.

It could happen, right?

Oh and I change her password. ;-)

P.S. I hate to report that early this morning Mr. Crab was found dead. Officials have yet to determine if it was related to the force used to subdue it earlier today.

Could it have been murder? Only time may tell.